Thursday, June 3, 2010

Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of the Double Down

If you don't know about KFC's Double Down by now you must be living in a cave or in Berkeley or something.  You've certainly never lived in a red state, and by red state I mean Republican even though I think it should mean communist.  The Double Down-- a masterpiece from the Colonel-- consists of two pieces of bacon and two pieces of pepper jack and Monterey Jack cheese sandwiched between two pieces of chicken.  As the official ad states, "this product (?) is so meaty, there's no room for a bun!"

First of all, who advertises their ultimate comfort food as "product"?  Second of all, who says there's no room for a bun?  I beg to differ, and I will return to my plan to foil their bunless sandwich later.

But I was traveling back from Wyoming to Nebraska when my search for a Double Down began.  I figured I should stop at the first KFC I found, since I might love it so much that I need another one down the road.  I was first confounded in Kearney, Nebraska, where the Taco Bell does not include a KFC. At my next stop in Grand Island, I found that the nearest KFC was ten miles down the road, so I just stopped at Bosselman's Travel Plaza (see early January blog on this topic) to inspect and determine if they'd made any of the changes I requested.  I felt a bit depressed when I learned that the aliens were still present and Little Caesar was still not hot and ready. 

So I pressed on to York, Nebraska, where a Taco Bell/KFC sign loomed large on the interstate.  Seeing a storm up ahead, I knew that I was destined to taste the savory Double Down within minutes.  I pulled in to see an open sign at 9:05.  I jumped out and tried the door, slobbering a bit on the door as I thought about the prize (or two) awaiting me inside.  The door was locked. I tried the other door.  I tried the employee entrance and I'm pretty sure they were about to summon the local immigration authorities (I was rocking a pretty out-of-control beard) when I saw the sign stipulated that ONLY Taco Bell was open.  I lost it, then counted to three to calm down, then lost it again.  My car nearly filled with tears. 

But this sad incident only steeled my resolve to dominate a Double Down sandwich.  It's only 500 calories so I think that I need to add something to it.  Right now, this is my working recipe (see blog entry "recipes for a new millenium" for more similar ideas:

Double Down 9000
1 Double Down Sandwich, Original Recipe
2 KFC Biscuits
1 Double Whopper with Cheese
2 Eggs
3 Mozzarella Sticks
1 Avocado
Whole Lotta Mayo (Light Mayo only)
Pickles (optional)
BBQ sauce (optional)

1.  Seperate Double Whopper into top and bottom halves.
2.  Cook eggs over easy.
3.  Place Eggs, Mozzarella Sticks, Avocado, and entire Double Down sandwich on lower half of Whopper.
4.  Remove Whopper buns and replace with biscuits, or simply put the biscuits outside the bun.
5.  Add Mayo and Pickles to taste.
6.  Dip in BBQ sauce and enjoy it.
7.  No one lives forever but this may hasten the end.
8.  If you doubt that I will really do this check back after the weekend for pictures.

1 comment:

    icing bros is the shit